Want Something Different? Say It Like This 👀

Have you ever been with your partner thinking, "A little slower... a little to the left... YES, right there," while your actual mouth says absolutely nothing? 

We expect our partners to somehow know what feels good, what we're curious about, what we'd like more of, and what we'd rather skip. Then when they don't magically figure it out, we can end up frustrated, disappointed, or wondering why we're not quite connecting.

The problem usually isn't that your partner doesn't care. Unfortunately, they just aren't mind readers. 

Talking about what you want can feel awkward, especially if you aren't used to doing it. You might worry about hurting their feelings, sounding demanding, or making them think what they've been doing isn't good enough.

But asking for what you want isn't criticism. Done well, it's actually giving your partner a cheat sheet. And who doesn't love an open-book test? 

The easiest place to start is by focusing on what you DO want instead of what they're doing wrong.

• Instead of, "Don't do it like that," try, "I love when you slow down a little."
  
  
• Instead of, "That's not working," try, "Can you keep doing that, but with a little more pressure?"
  
  
• Instead of waiting for your partner to suggest something new, try, "I've been curious about something. Want to try it with me?"
  

And if saying it in the moment feels intimidating, don't start there. Talk about it while you're driving, having dinner, playing a couples game, or relaxing together when there isn't any pressure to immediately act on the conversation.

You can even make it fun by each choosing one thing you'd like more of, one thing you're curious about, and one thing you already LOVE and definitely don't want the other person to stop doing.

The goal isn't to turn intimacy into a performance review. It's to make it easier for both of you to understand each other.

Great intimacy isn't about magically knowing exactly what your partner wants. It's about feeling comfortable enough to ask, listen, experiment, laugh when something doesn't work, and keep learning from each other along the way.

Your partner doesn't need a mind reader. They need a little direction. And chances are, they'll be pretty happy you gave it to them.

Something I LOVE for getting conversations started is the Tower of Pleasure. There is no pressure, just fun. It's the perfect way for couples to add spark, discuss intimacy and just take things in the bedroom to the next level. 

Until next week, cheers! xoxo